I didn't think that I would feel this lonely, especially after having enjoyed such a wonderful two months with J...but the warm fuzzy glow that comes from being with family and loved ones has faded, and its absence has only made the emptiness more palpable.
I was sorting through stacks of mail and found four letters sent by J from Afghanistan that didn't arrive until after I had left, and I made the mistake of opening them just now. This one made me bawl like a baby, and the tears haven't quite stopped yet.
Hello Darling,
I'm about to board (hopefully) my flight out of theater. Before I go, I wanted to write you one last time from Afghanistan. Sorry yet again that I'm forced to write on whatever paper is available. Maybe next time I'll deploy with some proper writing gear? Then again, this may very well be my last deployment. I bet you'd be happy if that were the case, and frankly, so would I. But being in the Guard/Reserves might mean deployments as well. Not many. But I know that neither one of us wants to spend a single night apart from one another. You are the only thing that matters to me, and I will do anything to see you happy. I'll happily stay in the "weekend warrior" force. But I'll just as happily forfeit everything so that you may be happy. Again, you mean absolutely everything to me. Nothing takes precedence over your happiness.
But I didn't write you to discuss the future. I am writing you to tell you how extremely grateful I am for your patient, faithful, enduring love. Thank you so very much for loving me through some of the most trying circumstances a woman can be made to endure. You've loved me through nearly two years of separation. You've supported me during a deployment during the first six months of our marriage. You braved the bar exam, moving, and settling down in a new (and scary) city, all without nearly enough support from me.
You've proven yourself to be a strong and independent--but most of all--a caring and devoted lover. All these things I knew were true about you from the start. But seeing all that you've gone through on my account, how you bear these troubles with a light and loving heart, further impresses upon me how truly blessed I am. Blessed to share my life with such a wonderful woman. As modest as you are beautiful. As attentive as you are brilliantly intelligent. Gorgeous. Sexy. Loving. Caring. Fascinating. And so very much more than I will write in a modestly intended letter. You are, in short, everything that I have ever wanted. Every attribute I've dreamed of finding in a wife, since I was a child.
But beyond all the wonderful things I adore about you, you should know something more important. You should know this and carry it with you every day for the rest of your life: I LOVE YOU! I love you more than I can possibly explain with words, with pen, or even through my actions. Nothing can ever express the tender love I feel. Nothing I say can explain how much I respect and admire you. And nothing can express or contain the passion I feel for you every day. The only thing I can offer you, feeble and unworthy as it seems to me, is myself. All of me. Every part, every desire, and every day for as long as we live and beyond. I am yours and yours alone forever.
Love you always,
J
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