I'm wearing a white dress, which was old, and a new navy cardigan
from J. Crew. Nothing borrowed though. Oh well.
No muss, no fuss. Just two people sitting outside together, signing a piece of paper, pledging eternal love to each other, sharing a kiss and a high five. It was sweet and intimate and everything we wanted it to be.
This was the day after. J's parents took this photo when we picked up the marriage certificate on our way to the airport.
Reenacting our high five
On a more serious note, getting married was the most amazing, life changing event, much more so than I ever thought it'd be. I've heard people say that married life isn't all that different from dating, especially for those who've dated for a few years or who have lived together prior to marriage. But for J and me, marriage changed us--it strengthened, deepened, and cemented everything that we had together.
J and I had known for a long time that we loved each other and wanted to be together for the rest of our lives, but we were facing the uncertainty brought on by my move to a new city and his deployment to Afghanistan, not to mention by the possibility of circumstances that neither of us wanted to acknowledge but for which we needed to plan. Marriage gave us certainty--certainty for J that I would be taken care of, come hell or high water. Because in the Air Force, as in all military branches, there's no room for fiancées or significant others; only spouses and dependents carry any legitimacy.
Logistical and legal aspects aside, marriage has been the deepest, strongest, most passionate bond I've ever known. Even from the outset, there was just something different and special about being able to call J "my husband," about knowing that J and I had committed to forever, something intangible yet so real. My frame of reference shifted dramatically and I saw things in a different light. Yet there was something far more difficult about having "my husband" deployed overseas--the emotional stakes felt higher, the separation more fraught with anxiety and tears. The thought of possibly losing "The One" was enough to bring me to my knees. But marriage also gave us a solid base and brought us an indescribable intimacy that spanned the distance and kept us going.
Being in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world; it is humbling but it makes you come alive. It makes you want to put your spouse's needs and desires and happiness before your own. I'm a youngest child who has been obstinate about doing things her own way for years, but when you find the love of your life, all that willfulness melts away. Life becomes about selflessness and joyful sacrifice and challenging yourself to grow not only as an individual but as a unit. Suddenly, it's not about *you*, it's about *us*, and it's a change that I relish more and more with each passing day.
I have so loved being married to J for the past year. Being with him has made my life so much more meaningful and rich. I know few things for sure, but I know for certain that I am the lucky one. Can't wait to see what's in store for Year Two.
No comments:
Post a Comment