Things I Don't Miss About DC

To balance out my nostalgia--

1. The traffic. It took us forty minutes to drive three miles...on a Sunday afternoon.

2. Crowded restaurants. Forty-five minutes until we can get seated for brunch at Ted's Bulletin? An hour wait at Hank's Oyster Bar on Sunday night? Sorry, not doing it.

3. Pretentious douchebaggery. Overheard while walking through Eastern Market: "The Senate cloakroom is the coolest place; it basically runs the Senate and is where a lot of big decisions are made." First, you're wrong. Second, are you an intern? Third, no one cares. Shut up already.

4. The bugs. Swarms of mosquitos and flies, to be specific. This place is a swampy hotbed for infestations. Gross.

5. The guy who plays the recorder badly at Eastern Market. Likewise, the guy who plays caterwauls on a blue electric violin. Once I almost paid him to go away.