The ranch in October
I'd be looking forward to the long drive if it were just me in the driver's seat with the radio cranked up; alas, I'll be traveling with J's aunt and uncle (who are lovely and who have taken such good care of me) and Cash, a neurotic, miniature Australian shepherd puppy who has just about the shrillest bark I've ever heard. It's the latter that concerns me--I guess we'll be making multiple stops along the way so he can pee and release some of that boundless energy he has pent-up inside of him. Still, I'm looking forward to a turkey with all of the fixings and seeing Sadie and Gnarlie (even though I just saw them last week) and the horses and cows and chickens. J's little brother will also be home from UNL, so it'll be a good crowd.
What else am I looking forward to? Being woken up by the rooster. Looking out my window and seeing the bulls in the meadow and the horses hugging up against the bunkhouse. Three mile walks down the gravel road. Not living on top of people. Not needing blackout curtains to block out streetlights. Total darkness at night, with absolutely no light pollution. No cell phone reception. No power lines marring the landscape. Utter silence. But strangely enough, what I'm *most* looking forward to right now is fresh, unpolluted air and the best tasting water around. Downtown Denver is great, but even some of the more residential streets are choked by car exhaust, and the water...well, it's city water. I finally broke down and sprang for a Brita filter, so hopefully that'll help. I keep joking to J's parents that we should bottle the water that comes up from the wells and sell it.
As much as I love being on the ranch, it's going to be a difficult holiday. Thanksgiving without J. Last year, I visited J in Germany and cooked a whole Thanksgiving meal from scratch. We invited J's friend and upstairs neighbor (also an Air Force officer) over for dinner and had a lovely time. This year, J will be eating sliced turkey and instant mashed potatoes at a chow hall with hundreds of Army guys and Marines. But this is the norm for J--two years ago, he spent the holidays in Iraq; in 2007 and 2008, he was in the Philippines and Okinawa. Not to say that being away from home isn't difficult for him, but as he's said frequently, and I agree, this separation is a lot harder on me than it is on him.
I contemplated staying in Denver over Thanksgiving, because sometimes it's easier for me to keep it together when I pretend that the holidays aren't a big deal. Missing J isn't as bad when it feels like a normal day and I'm not surrounded by J's family, but J's mom sounded a bit sad when I mentioned not coming back and I really should get in as much time on the ranch as possible before I start working, so off I go.
I had a good cry this morning. Sometimes these things just come out of nowhere. J and I tried Skyping at 7am, but the internet was lousy since everyone over there was trying to Skype home after work and I was tired after not having slept well. It's been two months and eight days since J deployed (which doesn't include pre-deployment training), not that I should be counting. Everyone--including strangers--tells me that the time will fly by, but who are they to say? And how would they know? And it's not like J gets to come home to me when his deployment ends--he'll head back to Germany until August. But despite the struggle and strain, I am incredibly thankful for the many blessings in my life, first and foremost J. I'm just hoping that the holidays will pass by quickly and before I know it, it'll be March.
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