Brain Dead

Soooooo...I'm done with the bar exam. And it was AWFUL HEINOUS.

Actually, I take that back. It wouldn't have been so heinous had I actually known what I was supposed to know, but I didn't. Tuesday's essay portion was a disaster, as the bar examiners decided to test on all the random bits of law that I didn't study like partnership dissolution and commercial paper and the appeals process. Really now? Thanks for not testing on any of the core (read: important) subjects like evidence or torts or contracts. To make matters worse, I totally flubbed the practical writing portion--the one part that I'm actually good at, which I was hoping would balance out yesterday's crappy multiple choice portion. Blurgh times 100.

I'm a little frustrated with myself because I know that had I actually put some effort into studying and not let myself get distracted, I would have been totally fine. Yes, there were some tricky fact patterns to be deciphered, but the Colorado exam was nowhere near as complicated and crazy as the New York exam (which I passed on the first try). My difficulties during the past two days stemmed from the mere fact that I didn't memorize enough of the black letter law, which could easily have been rectified by more effort and discipline and time. Part of me wishes that I'd buckled down and devoted all of my energy to studying instead of spending 10 days in Germany and the weekend before the exam in Newport News with J. Don't get me wrong--I'm glad I spent that time with him, especially since he's deploying in the near future and every minute we can spend together is precious. But it piques me that I frequently find myself in these unnecessarily stressful situations, and I only have my own laziness and lack of discipline to blame.

Anyway, I'm almost 100% certain that I failed. Seriously. And I'm not being hyperbolic or overdramatic about it. There may be the remotest chance I might squeak by if the curve is sufficiently generous, but I'm really not holding my breath. I think I'll just assume that I failed and will have to re-take the exam in February. If you lower your expectations, you won't be as disappointed...right? Don't worry, that's not my attitude toward life in general--I just find that it makes coping with certain stressful situations a little easier.

But there's no point in dwelling on this much longer, I suppose... It's time for me to move on with life--get organized, settle in, find a job, and explore my new hometown. I'm now a Denver-ite! Despite the uncertainty, I'm excited to be starting the next chapter of my life, however it turns out and wherever it takes me.