New Directions

Written a few weeks ago. Not sure why I haven't posted it until now.

After a four week recess, Senate is back in session and work has been surprisingly busy--lots of votes to staff, plus I had to draft testimony and take a number of meetings. Almost feels like the old days when the office was super busy and I was always on the run...almost.

On another note, I've decided that it's time to make a concerted effort to blog more frequently--and when I say blog, I mean actually write and not just post pictures and status updates. My writing skills have suffered since I started working on the Hill, as I now just write in bullet points. And frankly, I rarely even write memos anymore.

I know, I know--I've made similar statements in the past, statements which were followed by lengthy absences and crickets chirping. And I've had a variety of excuses each time--lack of time, inability to post about work, lack of interesting and blogworthy things going on outside of work. But none of these excuses apply anymore, and now that I've put the PhD program on hold (more on that later), I need something to keep my brain cells in fighting shape. This isn't highbrow academic discourse by any stretch, but it's something.

So here I start, with the most difficult topic for me right now: Relationships. Long-distance ones, to be specific.

A little over three months ago, yours truly embarked on a crazy adventure. I hinted at it earlier, mentioning briefly that I'd be traveling to Asia with someone in mid-July and that I was slightly worried that our travel styles would clash...turns out, my concerns were for naught and the trip was the best 10 days of my life. And I don't say that lightly.

A brief word about how I met J, my travel companion--we were introduced in June by my roommate SM's boyfriend SC, who quite literally delivered J to my doorstep. J, who was briefly in town on his way back to Okinawa, and I hit it off immediately--he calls it "love at first sight"...or at least, first meeting. Whatever it was, there was an instant and obvious attraction (physical and otherwise) that we both felt. SC likened it to "watching two magnets gravitate toward each other...and then start sucking face on the dance floor." Nice.

I realized from my first conversation with J that there was something very special and different about him, but I was slightly hesitant to start something with someone who lived on another continent. My gut advised me otherwise, however, (and J tells me that he would have been persistent trying to convince me) and so began a barrage of "getting-to-know-you" emails and three hour long Skype conversations...all of which culminated in a flight to Tokyo.

Since our 10-day whirlwind tour of Malaysia, Singapore, Tokyo, and Okinawa, J and I've managed to meet up in Denver, as well as spend some time in NYC and DC. I'm also scheduled to visit him in Germany (where he's stationed) for 10 days beginning Columbus Day weekend, after which we'll attend a wedding in Peru in November and then spend Thanksgiving in Germany. While I'm grateful for these opportunities to spend time with J--and I realize I'm extremely fortunate to be able to travel this extensively--long-distance hasn't been easy on me. The 6-hour time difference and our busy work schedules make it difficult to coordinate Skype dates, and it's only going to get worse once playtime is over and I have a "real" job again and can't run home at 3 or 4pm to chat. Not to mention the months that we'll spend apart between visits, especially if he's deployed again.

I've struggled significantly with the question of whether I have the fortitude to do long-distance. I'm the kind of person who needs to see my significant other at the end of the day, who craves the physical contact and warmth of said S.O., and for whom the emotions and thoughts associated with "missing someone" are difficult to compartmentalize. While I may be independent and headstrong and driven, I also harbor domestic and mushy/lovey-dovey tendencies that surface on occasion, especially when I'm attached to someone for whom I have strong feelings. Long story short, this hasn't been easy for me.

J will be stationed in Germany for the next two years, with the possibility of extending for a third. So the question becomes, do I take another job in DC thus continuing our physical separation, or do I find something in Europe and move abroad? (In anticipation of your question, the answer is yes, it's *that* serious.) I'm casting a wide net and have begun searching for positions both here and abroad, but it's difficult to guess where I'll end up, especially given the continued crappy state of the global markets and my lack of experience with EU law. It's entirely possible that I'll stay on the Hill or maybe get an Administration job, and that we'll be forced to continue this courtship from afar.

So is the extra heartache/angst worth it? Absolutely. The several months that I've known J have been one of the happiest and most fulfilling periods of my life, and I'm confident that we'll make it through the physical separation. This isn't to say I don't wish with some frequency that we lived in the same zip code or that September 2012 didn't seem so far away. But when faced with a challenging situation, I can either lament the hand I've been dealt or make the most of my time and soldier on. And I choose the latter.