Dragged myself out of bed at 8am this morning for the third day in a row. Left the house at 8:45, rolled into work around 9:10, 9:15-ish. This isn't really acceptable as I should be at the office no later than nine, if not before.
Not that anyone cares. We're a startup company and people basically come and go as they please. But I am frustrated because it's been one week since I've had a good night's sleep. New Year's Day, the all too familiar tightness gripped my chest, compressing my rib cage, squeezing the air out of my lungs. The anxiety came out of nowhere; there was no reason for it. We'd enjoyed a relaxing holiday and I'd been fine the month prior. But I know my body well and once that feeling sets in, there's no stopping the onset of sleeplessness that only worsens over time.
I don't know how to fix this. Melatonin and other sleep aids, which have since returned to my nightly routine, aren't the solution to the underlying cause(s). If I only could determine the underlying cause(s). I have no reason to be anxious and I'm not anxious on a day-to-day basis. Life is good. It's not perfect, but it's good. I have a low stress, nine to five job. I have a wonderful husband who takes care of me. I have great friends and a loving family. We live in a comfortable apartment and want for little. And yet, my subconscious constricts and prods me awake in the dark, earlier and earlier with each successive night.
I just want sleep. I'll get there sooner or later.
No comments:
Post a Comment