Mind you, I've never sung in public EVER. I love love love music, but I've always been extremely self-conscious about my voice. I have a good sense of pitch (I used to have perfect pitch when I was younger), but I couldn't sing harmonies to save my life and my voice was too low to always sing the melody. Plus, my voice just seems flimsy and scratchy to me, though I guess that's mostly the result of disuse.
But I met with Trinity Church's choir director today and we had a really nice, long chat about music, favorite composers, my former music professors and their style of teaching, and my life's journey. She's a warm, lovely woman and we just had an immediate connection yesterday. She said to me today, "Meeting you just felt really natural and comfortable, and I think it was such a gift that we were introduced randomly. If there was ever a sign that God loves us, this is it." She had me sing a few notes and lo and behold, I'm now an alto.
So what does this mean? First, I need to get over my aversion to singing in front of other people. Even just singing in front of the choir director today tied my stomach in knots. Not only am I self-conscious of my voice, but singing isn't like playing the violin or piano--I don't have an instrument to hide behind. What the heck am I supposed to do with my hands while I sing? It just feels awkward. Second, I need to learn how to sing in Latin. Third, I need to stop judging myself. I've always been a perfectionist and my own worst critic. Trinity has an amazing choir, and it'll be challenging for me to be satisfied with progressing at my own pace and to not lament how much better everyone else sounds. But spending a few hours every week learning new pieces and hanging out with people who love music as much as I do? Can't wait.
I'm also excited that I might be able to use the pianos at the church for practice during the off-hours, as well as the downstairs space for violin practice. It's been so very long since I've practiced for extended periods of time or really performed in public. Music used to be such a huge part of my life--so many hours spent on lessons, recitals, orchestra rehearsals, concerts, and competitions--and I didn't realize how much I'd missed it until recently. Hearing other people perform and seeing some of my old performances, as cringeworthy as they are, has made me nostalgic. See, for example, this clip of a performance I unearthed from the spring of my senior year of high school--check out my terrible posture and those godawful bangs! Cut me some slack, I was sixteen at the time and my mother made me wear my hair like that. But the thing is, even fifteen years later, I still can't help but nitpick and notice any imprecisions, however small they might be.
And that, my friends, is how much of a music dork/orchestra nerd I am. So now you know.
No comments:
Post a Comment