Home Again

Back in DC all too soon and sick as a dog. I thought I'd have more time to blog while in Germany, but in between day trips to vineyards and writing a personal statement, I also caught a really bad cold from J. I haven't gotten sick in years and am always on the go, so being incapacitated by sinus headaches and congestion frustrated the crap out of me.

Illness aside, Germany was amazing--delicious wursts and cheeses, fantastic wines, verdant forests and farmland, Roman ruins...plus, J and I continue to have a great time together. It's more than enough to make a girl move to Europe. Finding a job there would be good though.

The job search continues to frustrate me. There are endless opportunities for me here in DC--and I've been offered some extremely good options--but my heart clearly wants to go elsewhere. I've applied to a fellowship program that would allow me to work at various public and private institutions in Germany (and pay me a small stipend), and I've met with some senior personnel about doing legal work at the main law center on one of the bases. But at what point do I stop dreaming and start being responsible? I have bills and loans to pay, to say nothing of the perennial question that maybe I should stop breaking even and actually fulfill my earning potential.

Okay, the latter sentence was my mother talking. She hasn't gotten over the fact that had I stayed at the law firm, I'd be making like $250,000 or something obscene. Still, part of me can't help but wonder if she's right--not that I should have stayed in corporate law, but that I should have thought more carefully about my financial situation when making career decisions instead of pursuing whatever it was that I wanted to do, with little regard to salary. The lack of certainty and stability is starting to worry me and while J and I have discussed these issues at length, I don't want him or anyone else to have to shoulder the burden of my own decisions and mistakes.

Long story short, I have yet to figure out the "right" decision for me. Do I stay on the Hill and do committee work? Do I pursue an agency job? Or do I depart DC for greener pastures? What are my priorities--career satisfaction or financial security? And why can't I ever seem to find a job that provides me with both? More serious pondering is needed, though it's not like I haven't been obsessing about this for the past month. At some point, I just need to let go and the answers will come to me. I think.